Some time in the middle of the night, Near had climbed out of bed. He's taken up a pen and started drawing, across one of the rough-hewn walls. Geometric patterns that tremble their way obsessive-compulsively along the grain of the wood. Dawn comes, and goes, and his hand begins to ache.

"Matt!"

He sits bolt upright in bed. It's four, five in the morning. But it's important.

He rushes about the mansion until he finds Matt, then throws his arms about him from behind.

"Guess what?"

There are good nights and there are bad nights. This is one of the worst. He struggles out of Matt's arms, and stumbles into the hall and starts to run. He doesn't know where to- there's a corner, another corner, a staircase. He goes up it. A room, bookshelves, a back door, another staircase, another set of halls. If he stops running, something will catch him and he'll die.

<Garak> Although someone bringing in Losty's Light?
<vashti> ...
<Garak> Would be awesome.
<vashti> Interesting.
<vashti> What's he like?
<Garak> Crazy.
<vashti> Really batshit.
<vashti> More batshit than stalky is?
<Garak> Old.  Hanging onto power in a corrupt regime by the skin of his teeth.
<Garak> Megalomaniacal.
<vashti> *nodnod*
<Garak> Think like... Stalin with a god complex and borderline personality disorder.
<vashti> Oooh.
<Garak> Right towards the end
<vashti> Uncontradictable.
<vashti> The impression I get is that Mikami really runs the show?
<Garak> Except that Near is the only one thing left REALLY under his control.
<Garak> Because Mikami is taking over hard and fast, Misa has clued in and had a nervous breakdown and been tucked away.
<vashti> Scary.
<vashti> *nodnod*
<Garak> So Mikami taking and killing Near kind of symbolizes the end of Light's rule, actually.
<vashti> Presumably the next thing that happens is that Light is conveniently disposed of.
<Garak> Which Near will eventually realize.  Because it means he's finally, openly disobeyed him.
<vashti> *nodnod*
<vashti> huh.
<Garak> Yes.
<vashti> if that Light is so batshit, does Losty realise stalky is less so?
<Garak> Only from Near's perspective, Light is still the all-powerful.
<vashti> Because that's all he sees.
<Garak> I don't think Losty is together enough to seriously differentiate between them.
<vashti> *nodnod*
<Garak> Like, he does?  But he also doesn't.
<Garak> He doesn't see his Light as crazy.
<vashti> He sees him as normal.
<Garak> Because he's so adapted to the idea of it not being his place to question that the nonsense just must be another test.
<Garak> Or another humiliation, or whatever.  Run of the mill, yes.
<Garak> This is someone with the same status and power, doing slightly different things.
<vashti> hmmmn.
<vashti> Playing with him.
<Garak> Definitely.
<vashti> Tormenting him.
<Garak> He just can't figure out the rules to the game.
<vashti> but still with the power to end him with the snap of a finger.
<Garak> Exactly.  A deity, really.
<vashti> ...
<vashti> So Light really has beaten him.
<vashti> Like in the end of 1984.
<Garak> Absolutely.
<vashti> oh god.
<Garak> Yes!
<vashti> That's heartbreaking.
<Garak> That was actually part of the inspiration.
<vashti> *nodnod*
<Garak> And he's an intelligent, intelligent person, so he's able to pantomime normalcy pretty well, and he does adore T!Matt, and he is helping a lot.
<vashti> *nodnods*
<Garak> But he will never, ever be able to stand face to face with Light and not have part of him inside screaming.  And if he did ever attack him, it wouldn't be to kill him.
<Garak> It'd be to commit suicide.  Not intellectually, but emotionally.
<Garak> 'Can't do it any longer, have to end it.'  And expect himself to be the finished one, not Light.
<vashti> Yes.
<vashti> And what happened might well surprise him.
<Garak> Certainly.  And things like Light bleeding, or admitting he's dead will help draw him closer to autonomous... I hesitate to say health, but 'independence.'
<Garak> But they're drops in a very large bucket.
<vashti> He'd have trouble absorbing it at all.
<vashti> He can't conceive of him ever being defeated, of Near being allowed to win.
<vashti> ever.
<Garak> Yes.  The way you can intellectually grasp at... you know, not having to obey your parents any more.
<vashti> But it never seems real.
<Garak> But actually defying them and moving out can take years and years, if it ever does happen.
<vashti> *nodnod*
<Garak> Mind if I c&p this convo into Losty's journal?
<vashti> Do it.
<Garak> I've articulated Useful Things here.
<Garak> Sweet.

The field is replaced today with a coastline.  Rocky and grey.  Not what he really appreciates at all, too much like home.  He walks to the edge and starts looking for ways downwards. 

"Kohlberg was a psychologist who argued that human beings took a moral journey throughout their lives, that could have five of the following six steps; 
1.  Heteronomous
The punishment-obedience understanding of what is right and wrong.  Avoiding negative consequences.  Characteristic of infancy and childhood- share, because otherwise you will have a time-out.

2.  Individualism, Instrumental purpose and exchange
Instrumental-hedonistic understanding; doing what will get you the most and best- business ethics.  Understanding rewards but not consequences.

3.  Mutual Interpersonal Expectations, Relationships and Conformity
Do unto others; the understanding of the ultimate morality as treating others how you would like to be treated.  Average member of society reaches only this stage.

4.  Social System and Conscience
Doing what is needed to keep society ordered; giving back to the community because it provided for you.

5.  Social Contract or 'Utility vs Individual Rights.'
Overall betterment of society as the general goal.

6.  Universal Ethical Principles.
The understanding that whatever needs to be done to create that ultimate, just world is inherently neccessary, acceptable and valuable.  The ultimate 'moral achievement' according to Kohlberg, and one no human succesfully achieves."

The frog Near is talking to animatedly continues to just blink at him.  He smooths the blanket down a little flatter and rolls onto his side, readjusting the book a little.  The movement prompts it to leap into the stream, with a little 'plop' sound.  Near smiles.

The forest is charmingly peaceful.  He's been here hours, he could stay forever.

"If L then N; L, therefor, N.  If L then N; not L, therefor, not N.  Valid."

Is he saying this out loud?

"If N then M; N, therefor, M.  If N then M; not N, therefor, not M.  Both invalid."

"Which is to say, if something is blue, then it is coloured.  This is blue, therfor, it is coloured.  If something is blue, it is coloured.  This is not coloured, this is not blue.  If something is blue, then it is coloured.  This is coloured, but it does not follow that it is blue.  This is not blue, but it does not follow that it is not coloured."

'This' is the sky, which is a beautiful, clear blue.  The grass (which is coloured) is green.  The sun is shining, and Near is lying in it where it's thickest, enjoying the whirring noises the bugs in the field are making, enjoying the heat on his face, enjoying the smell of the air.  Talking airily to himself, explaining logic puzzles carefully.

On the table, Near has arranged a jar of peanut butter, a tub of applesauce, a packet of chocolate, a small bowl of blueberries, a saucer of milk, a fried strip of bacon, a cup of orange juice, a fresh slice of brown bread slathered thick with butter.  Near is armed with a fork, a knife, and a spoon, and is taking tiny morsels off each and every thing, in a counter clockwise direction.  He takes the smallest bite at a time, closes his eyes, savours it, then takes a sip of water.  Then moves on to the next thing.

He's been at this all morning.  He can't eat much of anything, but what he does have, he's going to make it count.

He wishes Aizawa were here.  The man used to talk about salmon- Near wonders if there is any.  If there's some way to express it home.  Open a door, hurl it through.  Open a door, let everyone out, let them raid this place and steal all the food and the beds and cover it all over again with their filth.  With their fights, with their blood.  They'd smell.

Near twirls a finger through his newly washed, staticky hair, and makes a note to himself to lock the door.  He's never been a particularly good person, he has no reason to start now.

The walls are grim, cold and dark.  The concrete feels rough against his back, but it's still faintly comforting.  Against the wall is the safest place to be.
Someone on the other side of the pen screams.  Near doesn't open his eyes this time; the guards come running with their sticks and their fury, and there's more screaming.  A restless mumble runs throught he prison population, and the new boy in the corner bursts out sobbing.
The new boy is an artist.  'Liberatrian themes,' he'd admitted to Near over a plate of food (sour pancakes and dried apricots.)  Everyone tells Near everything at first.  He still has some softness in his face, despite keeping a rusty kitchen knife in the orange uniform.  He's used it six times.  The new boy looks at him like Matt used to look at Mello.  Aizawa and Gevanni trade looks in the serving line, place bets.  Near snaps later that night.  It's not important, that's not what he was talking about.  He's not there, he's in the pen, ignoring the screaming.  Why can't he keep this straight any more?
Near opens his eyes and watches the guards take the body out.  There's not a lot of flour left, so supper will be less pancake more apricot.  The inmates have a rule; the first one to complain about the food becomes the new cook.  Maybe it'll be Matsuda tonight.  No, he was executed months ago.  Keep it together, Near, keep it together.
He's so hungry.